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Because Reality is Shit

by Kindergarten Hazing Ritual

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SOMEHOW HE CONTRACTED SELF DIAGNOSED ASPERGERS What's wrong with me? No one wants me? Someone fix me! He asked the screen And in a flash he knew Answers are so hard to come by Don't know why you bother looking anymore What if there's no answer? What if you can't be fixed? Most of us are fucked up Most of us are too far gone There's no pill they can sell you To cure the face the jokes on everyone (and you)
ATTACK OF THE CANNIBAL QUACKS TL;DR-ing the world One apparent genius at a time You get old You give up Get out of this game before you're gone with it You think juggalos are bad? This lot make otaku look good Subculture on the skids Hurry up and bang that keyboard bitch Before the whole net sees her tits Oh shnap, too late
A STRIPPER NAMED GERTRUDE My eye, she yelled Copper blinding her left Itchy, burning Tearing up One more screamer This ones a quarter Bounces off the shin Hopping off the stage in tears Don't think she'll be back
PAULA DEEN SINGS THE HITS: TWISTED SISTER i once rubbed one out to her before photo i have no sympathy Actually, i'm going to rub one out to the after photo Always nice when a life that would've been paid for by some sucker is cut short
I HOPE SOME DUDE FROM A BLACK METAL BAND TAKES A PICTURE OF YOU AFTER YOU BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT Rockstardumb 101 This is how it's really done Booze, blow and groupies GO! Found dead in the back of your van Headbangers Ball at 3AM Big energy drink sponsored fest Booze blow and groupies go! Found dead in the back of your van Dead in the back of your van?!? Yer livin' the dream 1 for the money, 2 for the ex....skip 3 and 4 1 for the money, 2 for the meth...skip 3 and 4 5 for rock star dumb (Yo, why you be hatin') We wanted to die at 27
JAMIE BUNKER’S POWER MULLET SAYS GAIARES IS PRETTY AWESOME Awoke to the sounds of a mixed up young girl finding out first hand that fame ain't what it seems Disappointment Swift judgement Dish it out, cannot take Two hands clapping makes a wonderful sound for the dancing dartboard
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SCHADENFRUEDE AND THE PIPS They were born into money anyway Who gives a fuck that they died Drag racing in the cars they got for graduation Drunk as fuck, tripping on ex What a waste they say Waste of our tax dollars Digging up a family plot for these fucks Chuck 'em in an urn Chuck the urn in the river Their deaths were fucking funny On to the next one
IMOGEN HEAP SHALL SERENADE THEM WHEN THEY DIE Cleavage and cat ears Just asking for a stabbing Practically begging The voice a baby crying, chopped and screwed Says "stab me, i'm a vapid cunt" I don't know what you heard her say, but that's what i fucking heard i read the title of the video But it just reads "stab me, i'm a vapid cunt" If nobody stops her now, she'll get a reality show But at that point, it'll be legal to kill her on screen Sweeps week gold for free
I'VE LOST MY LIBRARY CARD, I'M IN A K-HOLE, I'M A PRICK it's always best when mistakes correct themselves it doesn't matter how Pills, blades, bullets, train tracks, ropes, doorknobs, chandeliers, cars, buildings and the dirty ground When important work is done for us We shouldn't complain, or feel ashamed
HELLBENT FOR HEATHERS Girls don't grow up
They just grow old
Spend life trying to cover up
Unsightly mold
Go to brazil
And get yourself fixed
So you can lead guys
Around by thier dicks
She'll never make it
Never survive
If she actually has to work to stay alive
How will she acquire
Her free ride
If she cannot be objectified?
Must be sexy at any cost
If nobody wacks it to you you're lost
They're all creeps and pervs to you
But without their admiration
You feel like shit
Because the other girls will laugh at you
They're the ones you're really trying to impress
Just like the men, you're only after conquest
MUSIC FOR 13 YEAR OLD GIRLS TO CUT THEMSELVES TO (WHEN THEY'RE NOT THROWING ACID AT EACH OTHER) Self deformation for sympathy trip media gyp who let the secret slip? You? Thousands of sympathy dollars to spend several new friends open the paper to find that they felt for a phony a faker a scam look at them all disappointed to learn once again that a woman's word is worth shit for she’ll never accept responsibility for anything she does
MUSIC FOR 13 YEAR OLD GIRLS TO CUT THEMSELVES TO (WHEN THEY'RE NOT THROWING ACID AT EACH OTHER) Self deformation for sympathy trip media gyp who let the secret slip? You? Thousands of sympathy dollars to spend several new friends open the paper to find that they felt for a phony a faker a scam look at them all disappointed to learn once again that a woman's word is worth shit for she’ll never accept responsibility for anything she does
THE NEW SCARED STRAIGHT (AS PROPOSED BY TOSSED SALAD MAN) Teach the weaker children to make shanks out of pencils School is prison anyway
THE TREND IS UNDEAD (THE GREAT ZOMBIE TRENDKILL - FUCK YEAH) You guys are supposed to be zombies, right? That means it's okay if I shoot you all in the head
BOMB HOLLYWOOD BEFORE MICHAEL BAY MAKES ANOTHER FILM We descend upon beverly hills with AK's in hand demanding 13 dollars each from every two bit hack and we will continue to fire until we get every cent back until we get every second back that was wasted on their so called "art" graphic violence for all audiences torch that fucking sign twist m. night's spine apart 'til he fucking crawls the bitterest, sweetest ending ever, no fucking sequel Snape kills Dumbledore, Neo and Trinity -die! die! die!
TELEMUNDO ESTILO DE VILA MASOQUISMO i only know half of what you're saying But i know you're fucking mocking me Eye-candy is a profitable export And they don't even have to let you leave I know you're mocking me You don't even need to speak Schadenfraude is the universal language
THE CHRISTINE CHUBBUCK ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL Fuck you if you have a reality show new rule if you’re gonna have people follow your around with cameras while you do fucking nothing you must die on screen it’s legal to kill you as long as it’s on camera lights, camera, violence
PISSING ON YOUR KIDS ROADSIDE MEMORIAL Came to the funeral and made the following speech: i wish I did it..but I didn't. so ha ha It all worked out in the end, didn't it?
THE PERILS OF PENELOPE PIN-UP You're just setting yourself up for disappointment
 If you really think I'm going to listen to you
 When i can just stare at your tits
 You're exactly like the women that you claim to hate
 And once you admit that to yourself, you'll feel no guilt 
Because contrary to what you'd like to think 
 You're just a fucking porn star
 Just a fucking porn star
 Making your living at our expense
 While clawing at each other (just like the women that you claim to hate)
 Whatever statement you're making falls on deaf ears 
And if you really wanted to make one, you wouldn't be here 
Showing me twat shots from behind 
I don't like your fucking mind
 You have wasted your own time
 Pandering to what you call slime
 To those who claim empowerment 
That isn't just at our expense
 Your message was not ever sent 
This tissues where it went
 All subcultures end up the same
 They become what they hate
QUIT ENCOURAGING BEDROOM MOSH NINTENDO! Standing in front of the TV in the basement Waving my arms in motion around a lot This is what it's come to It's like porn, the vanilla isn't enough for you You progressed to fucking furries Next fucking gimmick Virtual wrist cut with real blood
LIKE AN AUTOTUNE GIRAFFE The next generation will only live to see the end depicted in several more movies, because it won't Actually come unfortunately Good Who gives a fuck about you You'll only live on because the meek will kill themselves instead of you And you'll live in happiness too As long as you're protected from the gods awful truth That it doesn't get better, for anyone And no matter how rich you are, you'll never have enough Sex is a spectator sport Where no one wins Everyone you look up to, died at 27 They're better off than you They're better than you You were born in the 90s You missed everything And no one wants you here All your friends were mistakes, you probably were one too Get your guns, correct yourselves, correct each other They'll never remake battle royale in the US So you've got to live it It's your fucking duty Go forth and die
LOLDONGS? FUCKING LOLDONGS?!! We all hated elitism… until we realized how much fun it was
CANNABIS MUTANTS FROM OUTER SPACE WASHED MY DISHES YESTERDAY I THANKED THEM AND THEY GAVE ME FREE TICKETS TO A MICHAEL JACKSON CONCERT Mating call of the moron, coatracks and beerstands, envoking rule 34 gift accounts at erotic defenestration dot com for 2 dollars one day sale, sold to the man dressed up like pedobear for halloween, begging for change outside of McDonalds, we’re curbstompin’ divas, we’re throttlin’ alt models, pin-ups in peril tonight, model mayhem accounts get hacked
I JUST FELL ASLEEP AND YOU WOKE ME WITH YOUR CANNIBALISTIC SOCCER ERRORS Poor kid he thinks there’s more chasing dreams down pipes getting stuck he has ceased to be he is no more in his place the bastard son of Beiber and a giraffe with downs and a lisp worse than Daffy Duck wires hooked up to his vocal chords so no one realizes how worthless he is gone for credit in the straight world he has died you were barely one of us but you’ll never be one of them and when you fall in love and lose your edge we’ll still be here calling for heads...
Hidden Track 01:28


GK#79 c&p 2011 karaoke/khr


released August 21, 2011

"Because Reality is Shit"

Kindergarten Hazing Ritual has been for 10 years and shall continue to be Cory Monster, the guy that looks like Cory but damn sure isn't and Zombie Ninja Schmoe (and the Abominable Lord Crappyman).

Josef Motley wrecked shop on the intro.


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