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Grindcore Lu'au

by Wadge

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IN STINK OF ARRIVALS (IMMORTAL FLIGHTS) Hawai’ian islands on vacation Grindcore lu’au, good vibrations
GRINDCORE LU’AU Hawai’ian islands on vacation Grindcore lu’au, good vibrations Big fat soy pig on a spit Pineapple gravy, that’s the shit! Hot night in Hawai’i On the plane but fast WADGE goes to the lu’au It’s gonna be a blast! Off the plane in Hawai’i With a cardboard cut-out of Shane Embury GO! GO! GO! Outrigger Get us to the beach To fist us ripe papaya And every mai tai within reach
EXTREMITY JET-PLANED / EYES OF CRUST / OBSTINATE ERECTION What a flight! Crammed into an air bus all goddamn night But now, we are here! After many plastic cups of goddamn beer Honolulu Airport-tarmac-hula-mountains- holy fuck! Hit the Sunset Lounge for a cocktail Mai tai? Yes, please! One more before we grab a taxi Ok, shit, these are really good Another, now we’re fucking slaughtered! The bartender is grinning and those mountains are spinning Racing up the corridors gurgling indecipherable nonsense Strollin’ down at Waikiki, rum and shave ice, tee hee hee Aloha shirts and rabid grins Is THAT a whorehouse? Yeah, I’m in! Eyes of crust peeled apart to see Diamond Head and some type of VD
BASKING UNDER THE GREAT FROST OF THE ETERNAL HAWAI’IAN WINTER Frozen thick, forked tongues lick Locked in a press, taste buds will molest Whirling speed, unholy is the need The gods now bestow This fresh Hawai’ian snow Basking under the great frost of the eternal Hawai’ian winter Adzuki is the bean, sugared sweet and mean Syrups rise and flow in the colors of the rainbow Sticky drips, the strawberry rips Mochi balls, Hawai’i calls Cerebellum freeze hard as stone Blizzard of the skull This ain’t simply no weak snowcone!
  BENEATH THE LAGOON Whiling away the hours at the base of a palm Strummin’ on an ukulele, singin’ tunes since dawn Some bubbles start a poppin’ from the water blue Guess I better take a dip and have me a look or two On the way down to the bottom Past a sea turtle humming Hilo March Vibrations emanate from a coral door A menehune answers my cautious knock Waves me into a room and holy shit! It rocks! Martin Denny is standing there Don Ho and Edwards in their underwear Arthur Lyman in on the vibes To a stacked waitress Les Baxter confides Apaka and Jenks Tex harmonize Ho’opi’i on the lap steel flies Sweet wahine they play bongo Tiki jumping to and fro Local elders talk ancient tales Knotts double-takes at their stories of whales It all goes down beneath the lagoon
Deadly Curse 01:57
DEADLY CURSE Grindcore vacation, paradise found Speed freaks appear from the ferns Rivet-heads, hell rats, longhairs & skins On a coconut bong they take turns That’s right, on a coconut bong they take turns Thrash beats are pounded on pineapples and Gurgling voices repeat Other tourists stare but the grindheads don’t care ‘Cause they think it sounds pretty neat You heard me, they think it sounds pretty neat Just then three of them break away from the pack Wearing black shirts and flip-flops they search for a snack Metal Rob stops to pee and looks down at the ground He returns with some pieces of rock that he found Blast Beat Pete inspects it and then promptly concludes “This shit is lava we’ve got right here dudes.” With high fives exchanged they return to the beach The lava they bring has a lesson to teach Lava kills in a pack – you’ll run! Lava starts to attack – you’re done! If you think you can beat – deadly curse! If you think you will live – book a fuckin’ hearse! At home on the mainland the bad luck it mounts Pele the Goddess is pissed She curses each grind fan who stole her lava Crushing with a long reaching fist Illnesses, tragedies, blood sprays from legs Rare 7”s burst into flame Send back the lava, send it back now Or you might just derail a train
BIG WAVE GRINDCORE SLACK ATTACK North side, fully fried, rush the shore Surfing in the name of grindcore Through clenched teeth grit sick power chords You can’t read the logos on our boards Carve, slash, blistering speed rash Sick hair spins as we shoot the tube Throw the power metal kid to the sharks as food Warlocks, Mockingbirds, Bitches strapped Big wave grindcore slack attack Fuck the wetsuits, camo shorts! With side 2 of ‘Scum’ cranked – we cavort! Sol Ho’opi’i steel guitar Dueling Pintado riffs back at the tiki bar Mixed with Torrao double-picks, drums though are faster Played on coconuts like a Ken Owen blaster
THAT LITTLE GRASS SHACK There on the beach sits an old grass shack Where bamboo poles do frame the door In which carved deep the face of a god From long ago with noble eyes Guarding the place where ancient chants echo between Civilizations the arrogant label primitive Though light years ahead of complacent nations sucking marrow Here comes the cowboy now to teach them how to be And tagging along for the ride is his sidekick Almighty  The simple island met a pie man pissing on its shore Said the pie man to the island let me bring you war
LOST KINGDOM OF THE MENEHUNE Dark the night, out strolling through the vines when something tugs the bottom of my shirt. The same one I just bought while in Paia: hibiscus print and a surfer hanging 10. I look to see nothing staring back at me and so I continue on my walk. Another tug, but this time I’m faster! It’s a little jolly dude all of 3 foot 2. He giggles and points to a hole - hops in so I follow him. Through a maze of tunnels we go, where he’s leading me I do not know. Up ahead a glowing luminescence, I’m in the Menehune Kingdom. Hundreds of them hopping all around dancing to the menehune sound. They hand me a bowl of kava kava. All at once my mind bleeds colors. Laughter permeates my visions. We all join hands, in circles we stomp!
FORGOTTEN CULT OF THE PEOPLES TIKI TEMPLE The kingdom Polynesian encased in strapped bamboo Urban and exotic, waterfalls and bridges too! Thatched grasses adorn the walls Pineapple stools to rest Carved idols standing fiercely Hula servers with luscious breast This temple where long pig worship South Pacific ways of life Mr. Bali Hai our tour guide Pukka Pukka, down the hatch! Without a scratch Forgotten Cult of the Peoples Tiki Temple Speared guards protect the artifacts The huts scream tribal chants Summoned by the forbidden All night long watch them dance Swizzle sticks and gods Hawai’ian In potent bowls of rum Just one and you’ll see sideways As tiki beat the drum
  GURGLE OF THE WAYWARD WIND Wind brings the allure Enchanted charm of human manure Nasal holes inhale the spray In septic slop the senses play Kaua’i hosts the fest Where grindcore fans come casually dressed Eels quickly evolve and grow fat feet Latching onto heads to gnaw skull meat, so sweet Carnivorous caterpillars drop from the palms Like ravenous bombs, furry killers Evil invaders outnumbered by beasts AGATHOCLES shirt sales officially cease Snorting boar skewer a flailing Mick Harris Whose blast beat defense does nothing but embarrass Trey Azagthoth snatched up by a giant moth Oscar Garcia, I wouldn’t wanna be ya Bill Steer and Walker Their heads are used to play soccer Justin Broderick A mutant shark rips off his prick
MONSTERS OF HONOLULU Run, 'cause here they goddamn come Blocking out the sun, life will be undone Shit, pop you like a zit, man-sack to be slit Scream for mommy’s tit Skeletons snapped and cracked like sticks Skin bag holds them in This shall be thy fate if you can’t escape Nuts used to be encased Their fleshy house erased Sliced then tanned and sewn At least they left the bone
TIKI BATTALION UNLEASHED When the last soldier fails On the battle field Pools made of blood Stocked with piranha and eels Metal fighters lie still Spirits crushed into meal By God’s army of slaves Praising Christ’s wretched name Patches torn from vests EXCITER and POSSESSED Metalheads dishonored Hugged by priests you know molest Inverted crosses turned Metal records burned Bullet belts are tossed Now hope is surely lost… Forced to bow! Ancestors disgraced Satan’s been replaced But wait, what’s this? The metal fist! Might still rule this place Over the hill their chanting grows Wooden armies march in rows From Hawai’i and Fiji strong And Rapa Nui this tiki thong Red turns the sky, metalheads cry Bibles are trampled as Christian heads fly Deep into the night tiki rid this holy blight Giving bangers back their pride In their beer guts deep inside Tiki assemble by the cliffs As metal legions air band metal riffs The liberators load onto ships While Metal Larry chugs brews, eats chips Once more the flag is raised Bands formed and demos made Burgers, fries, the feast! Tiki battalion unleashed  
MY SWEET HAWAI’I Something did happen way down deep below Volcanoes were rumbling and they did blow Earth’s mantle vomiting, chucking its lunch This shit really happened, it’s not just a hunch At one time called the Sandwich Islands, it’s true! Mother Earth got queasy and so forth did spew Archipelago rising from the sea The beautiful lands that we call Hawai’i So many things on these islands that rule Let’s start with tiki, so wicked and cool Surfing is badass and next on the list And then we’ve got mai tais with which to get pissed Haleakala so gorgeous it’s sick! Shave ice with mochi and syrup so thick Pali Lookout, also Chinaman’s Hat Wild boar roaming so badass and fat Taro root mashed to poi Yummy for the tummy, oi oi oi Rainbows scattered through the skies Hula gals easy on the eyes Sand to lie on colored gold Crazy menehune tales are told Diamond Head, painted tree I goddamn love Hawai’i!! When I die I shall be In the land of Hawai’i When I die look and see My ghost flying ‘round Hawai’i Ho’opi’i, sweet lap steels Kahanamoku, humpback whales Ukuleles soft and sweet Mango, papaya, such a treat Seven Sacred Pools, oh yes Aloha shirts in which to dress So laid back this way of life Hack into a coconut with my knife
PINEAPPLE SICKNESS Pineapple overdose, yellow flesh Breaking into the plantation, making a mess Bursting from the inside out, ate too much Bulging stomach is distended, please don’t touch What the hell came over you? Lost your mind Need to sit down for a while, listen to some grind Acidity burns your skin, soon you’ll die Blood replaced with juice so sweet That sure was a lot to eat – my oh my They say that eating much pineapple Makes you lose your mind Hair falls out, internal bleeding Virus makes you blind Can’t resist the fruit so good Packed in crates made of wood So delish! Now you’re bloated like a whale Vomiting into a pail – oh shit! Disgusting and bloated, digestive tract unwound Contents sprayed like a fat hose Across the Oahu ground
SHARPEN THE CHISELS Sharpen the chisels, push down the stone Preparing to thrust into wood Ready the blade, raise up the mallet Hammer that sucker home good! Palms readied to become Representations of gods Crevasses gouged Eyes channel ancient ones Summoning the other place Racing through the veins Sculpting with razor blasts Slices fly into outer space Angry glare warning of the danger Do not pass or you taste the curse!
TEN TINY TOES WOULD BE SICK! Here beneath the Maui moon Listening to grindcore and a bit of doom Sipping on rum from a coconut Dreamin’ ‘ bout a hula girl as I rub my gut When from the water what do I see? Standing there dripping wet in front of me Guitar in hand, clear as can be The spirit of Sol Ho’opi’i He asked me if there were any tunes I wanted to hear? I said ‘Ten Tiny Toes’ would be sick! Stuck his tongue out, gave his lips a lick Tore shit up I got wood- Eric Wood! Right there on the beach-fuckin’ sweet! Then he grabbed my BC Rich Triple-picked strings white with heat Laughing as his fingers sprayed Molten lava across the sky Wild boar on the backs of whales Firing pineapples from their tails And the second he was done his song In a puff of poi he was gone…
DEMON DOGS OF WAIKIKI Welcome to Honolulu Demon dogs of Waikiki foaming rabid in the street A million canine form a pack Shit and piss, booze and smack This is Honolulu – the paradise before the hell A moment of reprieve before being thrown into the meat grinder Where bones are chewed and brains are stewed Double fist the lethal shots, then line up for a filthy cot First blow your mind then blow your load All inked up, it’s time to go March to the planes, to the ships on the ocean blue and red Wave to your pals, to the whores cheering from their soiled beds Lying in some field with bullets zinging past The last of the platoon with eyes clenched tight For a moment, face down in the dirt It’s Waikiki and the sand is hot


GK#1 c&p 2011 karaoke/wadge


released January 1, 2011

an UKULELE PRINCESS production
"Grindcore Lu'au"

Recorded, mixed and massturd at Tiny Bubbles Studio & Shave Ice Stand. Additional throat rips on tracks 4 & 12 by Gobbles. “In Stink of Arrivals” ranting by Richard Johnson. Roar of the Wild Boar on track 17 by David. Front cover painting by Tabu and captured by Evan Holt w/ his witchcraft machine. Surfer illustration by YZR Craftsman JP. Layout, design & dissemination by J. Randall. Everything else by Paul.

Thanks to Howard & Bob.


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